One of the hardest parts of caregiving is that it often times hits the caregiver at the peak of their life. The average caregiver is 46 years old (although that varies so much–from mid-twenties on up to a person’s eighties). I found myself caregiving full time at the age of 38. I sold the small private school I had started, moved out of state and began my life as my mom’s caregiver. I was young, healthy, vibrant–and while I was committed to caring for my mom, I had no idea I would essentially be housebound for years.For me, this was very difficult–being on such a short leash. I fought caregiver depression and longed to go to the beach and the bookstore–my two favorite places in the whole world. I wanted to make friends, start my new life, enjoy my teenage daughters and all that life offers you when you’re in your prime.Engaging the caregiver’s mind is a challenge. First, you’re often sleep deprived, most likely interrupted ever few minutes, pulled in a dozen different directions, and highly concerned about your loved one’s needs. My mom’s health offered its own challenges from how to effectively manage Parkinson’s, then dementia/Alzheimer’s, the various drugs, doctors, hospital stays, and then there were her emotional needs as well as everyone else’s. I had my challenges, just not the challenges I would naturally choose.Beyond all reason, I returned to college one night a week. My family pitched in and helped “baby-sit” my mother. I managed to piece my homework together over the course of the next week. It was crazy to start at the time, but I needed the outlet, the mental engagement. I needed to feel my life wasn’t over.I did other things too. We watched the Food Channel and HGTV–a lot. I already loved to cook, but the noise and colors were comforting. I painted, started back learning French on my ipod, and although these things were sporadic–most of the time I simply didn’t have the brain cells of a bowl of oatmeal, I fought to stay in the game–to keep learning. The one consistent thing I did was to write.Writing became my lifeline. My book, MOTHERING MOTHER came from those every day journals, and it was the disipline of writing that gave my life enough of a tension wire to keep moving forward.
There are more caregivers out there than ever, and I applaud what they do. I know that choices they’ve made. I know the isolation, frustration–and growing apathy. You have to fight apathy every day, any way you can. (You might enjoy listening to my interview with author of Elder Rage, Jacqueline Marcell on Coping with Caregiving radio show).
I hope all you caregivers out there find something to engage your mind–and heart.
For me, I’m taking my last college class this semester. It’s been a long road, but I’m glad I did it–caregiving and all.
author of MOTHERING MOTHER, Kunati Publishing
available on Amazon and in most bookstores.
I was 34 when Dad came to live with us. I know exactly how you feel.
Kathy
http://www.KnowItAlz.com
my caregiver blog