Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘physicians’

Ever found yourself (or as a caregiver for your spouse, mom or dad) sitting across from a doctor and feeling like they’re not hearing you? At all?

Most of us pine for the days when we had home town doc who delivered us, knows everything about us–and cared that we stay alive.

Not that most ever had that–but it sure sounds good, doesn’t it?

As a caregiver to my mom who had Parkinson’s, heart disease, and Alzheimer’s, trust me, I’ve spent a whole lott of time in doctor’s offices.

I did a little research on-line to find out various ways to find a good doctor, and here’s what I uncovered.

What to look for in a good doctor:

  • You can’t beat a recommendation from someone you know–a friend or co-worker.
  • Make sure they’re board certified in their field. This is crucial because it can be deceptive.
  • Visit the doctor’s office before making your appointment. Look around–is the staff fussy? Do they look miserable? Time how long it takes for a person to be seen. Ask the staff how long they’ve worked for the doctor, if they can tell you a little about him or her, or how long the doctor spends with each patient and see how you’re treated. If you hear alarm bells go off in your head, then keep looking.
  • Get a doctor you like to recommend a doctor they like (if you’re looking for a specialist or in another field) because good doctors tend to hang out (aka play golf) with other good doctors.
  • Check out some online sites that review credentials, awards and distinctions, as well as a rating system for his office and staff. Ckeck out RateMDS.com, Healthgrades.com,  ChoiceTrust.com or Vitals.com.
  • Remember you’re the client. You’re paying, and you should be treated with respect. Sorry to say, but no doctor is going to spend as much time with you as you probably would like, but they should listen to you, be competent in their assessments, and know their field of medicine well.
  • If you do feel that you need to stay with this doctor (perhaps because of location, specialty, or insurance), then here are a few helpful tactics.

How to Communicate Effectively With Your Doctor and His/Her Staff:

  • Repeat over and over: I am 100% responsible for my life. (And if you’re a caregiver, then you’re also responsible for someone else’s). Don’t leave your medical issues completely in someone else’s hands, even if those hands are attached to a physician. You should know what medications you’re on, what course of treatments you’ve agreed to–at all times.
  • Chat with the staff and get to know them. Bribe them with a tin of chocolate popcorn or stop by near a holiday with a gift card to a local restaurant or coffee p. Hey, it’s hard to resist someone who takes an interest in you, and that’s exactly what you’re doing–remember the old Golden Rule? Still applies. Ask about the picture of their kids, and use their name when you’re talking with them. This is just being considerate, but it comes in handy when you’ve got an earache and you call begging to be seen that day.
  • Start out your relationship with your doctor by shaking hands (dressed), and looking him/her in the eye. Let them know that you expect to be treated as an equal. You are–you hold a needed job in your community (or you did if you were retired), and  you are intelligent and articulate. Without being bossy or demanding, let him/her know that you’d like this to be a warm and professional relationship.
  • Go to the doctor’s office in a good mood! Be a  ray of sunshine to others around you. Be on time, don’t gripe about the little things, joke around with the staff–and watch how differently you’re treated. Take your knitting or your favorite magazine and get to know the person you’re sitting next to. Life is happening everywhere–even in doctor’s offices.
  • Write your questions down and keep them brief–but make sure you go home with answers. Also write down their answers or directions. Don’t expect their directions to make sense–put it in your own words and have a clear plan of action you can follow when you leave the doctor”s office. Don’t be intimidated with medical jargon, but also let them know that they’re not talking to a pre-schooler.
  • Do your homework–go on the Internet, check out your condition and possible drugs, treatments, symptoms, and side effects. You don’t even have to mention it since some doctors find this annoying or intimidating and a few others mght applaud you for being pro-active. Either way, it’s your health at stake so you have every right to educate yourself, but know that not all Internet medicine is accurate.
  • If you don’t feel you’re being heard, then be clear. Ask a pointed question and make sure you get an answer. You have a right to know what’s going on. Start out asking in a firm and clear manner, but don’t give up. Restate the question and ask again.
  • Don’t settle for being shoved a pill if you don’t want one. Medicine has sadly become entwined with the pharmaceutical industry and we forget that there are other alternatives and compliments to drug therapy. Let them know what kind of patient you are, and state what types of treatments you’ll consider–or won’t consider.
  • Consider holistic medicine as a complement to your main physician. Have you tried accupuncture for aiding in quitting smoking? Or for arthritis? Eastern based practices are now more mainstream than ever, and many of their benefits have been documented.
  • Write down your doctor’s names, your prescriptions and dosage and keep it in your wallet at all times. If you fall or lose conciousness, it’s imperative the the EMS workers and ER staff know this information. Don’t rely on the doctor or his chart–and realize that if you see more than one doctor and they’re not aware of the other’s medications, you could potentially have some serious drug interactions.
  • Speak up if there’s error. It happens all the time. Dosages get written down incorrectly. The doctor orders another round of chemo and you don’t want it–or you can’t take that amount–or your insurance won’t pay for a particular treatment. Don’t get upset, but do speak up–remember that 100% responsible for your own life mantra I mentioned earlier.
  • Say thank you when you leave. Shake the doctor’s hands, and even if he or his staff act rushed or inconsiderate, then make it a point to show them how to be considerate. The amazing Maya Angelou said, “We teach people how to treat us.”

My last bit of advice might sound strange, but try to not have your entire life evolve around your medical conditions.

I know that there are times when it may seem like it does–and if you have cancer or Parkinson’s, or you’re the caregiver to a loved one that has Alzheimer’s, then you probably spend a lot of time at the doctor’s office, rehabilitation, physical therapy, and in the hospital. It can be exhausting and  overwhelming, but when you can take a mental or physical break–take it. It’s not healthy to live at the doctor’s office and dwell on being sick. Honestly, it won’t make you well. Follow your regimen, take your meds, do your treatments, but keep your mind on living and learning–on your family, on leaving a legacy, on your garden, your Tai Chi, and of course,  your grandchildren.

The medical community is there to care for you. As an individual or a caregiver, you have to take the initiative and draw the best out of those around you. Be responsible for yourself, have a goal, cultivate positive attitude and a spirit of gratitude   and state clearly what you want and need. You just might get it.

~Carol D. O’Dell

Author, Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir

www.mothering-mother.com

Read Full Post »

If you are fortunate, you’ve had many conversations with your loved one.

If they’re your parent, your conversations probably started before you could speak. You heard their voice, their lyrical baby talk, their lullabyes sung in the dark of night as you were held tight.

Your conversations changed over the years–from childhood discipline, “Don’t ride your bike without your helmut,” to the pre-teen birds and bees mubo-jumbo they could barely get out, and your talks became more about schools, jobs, marriage, and kids of your own.

You’ve banked a lot of hours. Stephen Covey, author of Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and The Eighth Habit calls this making deposits into your emotional bank account. Every time we say an encouraging word, offer much needed advice, pass on a family story about crazy Aunt Jo adds to our collective memories.

Our family conversations are woven into who we are and the choices we make. This investment of time, talk, listening, encouraging, and even admonishing cement our love and commitment. And when we need something from this person–to speak wisdom into their life, to ask for care, attention, or respect–we can draw from that account. We’ve earned the “interest” so to speak.

And now you find yourself in the caregiving years. Whether this is with your spouse, your mother, father, or sister, all of those gathered conversations become even more precious when you come to the end of life. Even the medical profession is now recognizing the need to talk candidly to their patients about end of life and quality of life decisions.

At some point, you will have a final conversation.

You might not know it, and perhaps you shouldn’t. It’s not about saying just the right thing. It’s not about saying good bye even, it is and isn’t a culmination of all your talks–the baby talk, lullabies, warnings, corrections, arguments, growing pains, and reconciliations you’ve had over the years.

Technically, that last conversation may in a car, over the phone, or in a hospital bed, holding hands. It will, in years to come, be precious.

There are no guarantees. Our loved ones can walk out the door this minute, and we won’t have the privilege of knowing that death is on its way. Sometimes it’s quick, too soon, and all together unexpected.

For others, it may be the slow road of Alzheimer’s, or the painful road of cancer. We may find ourselves calling hospice, and making memorial plans as our loved one lingers.

So how do you say good bye? And should you?

Yes. If you know your loved one is dying, it’s important to have that last conversation. Those who work in hospice will tell you that this quiet moment is important to both of you.

What do I say?

Of course, it’s different for everyone, but many times our loved ones need us to to them:

It’s okay for them to go…that we love them and always will, but we’ll be fine.

We are the ones holding them to this life, and sadly, we may unintentionally be tying them to a life of pain and emptiness. Tell them it’s okay for them to go now Tell them not to worry. Assure them you will be okay.

It’s important to say I’m sorry–and I forgive you.

You may have said it a thousand times, or never have said it in your life. Do it. No one can have a relationship without some hurts and misunderstandings building up over time. This isn’t something you want to regret later, so say it, feel it, and let it go.

I’ve heard so many stories about how after saying these simple things–you can go now, I’m sorry, and forgive me–that their loved one passes away in peace. It’s also a interesting phenomenon that is observed in hospitals and hospice situations–a loved one hangs on, excruciatingly long, and then when their family leaves–for a meeting, or out of exhaustion and need for sleep–the loved passes away when they’re finally alone.

I can’t tell you how your last conversation should go.

Everyone has their own style, their own family’s culture and personality–some are wordy, others are witty, a few are formal and stoic…it doesn’t matter.

Be yourself, but be there.

Talk, or don’t talk (who says a conversation has to consist of words?)

Hold hands, hum a hymn, read from the Bible, or recite a poem or sing a lullaby, or sit silently.  If you feel like they still can’t let go, then consider stepping out. You’re not abandoning them. We can’t go with them, and for some, it has to be done alone.

Whatever winds up being your last conversation isn’t a mistake.

Nothing is a mistake.

Trust that the simple banter about feeding the cat or pick up the dry cleaning is just the talk you needed to have. You may look back and recognize that the words or look or touch you’re seeking occurred weeks or months before.

Be at peace and know that in many ways, your last conversation hasn’t happened yet.

You can continue to talk, journal, whisper and pray. Your story, your conversation, and your loved one goes on.

~Carol D. O’Dell

Author of Mothering Mother, available in hardback or on Kindle

www.caroldodell.com

Read Full Post »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 1,253 other followers