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My Daddy died at the average age men die in the US (78 years old), from the most common disease men die from–heart disease. Yet, Daddy was anything but typical. He was a big teddy bear of a guy who made my world right again.

I was adopted at the age of four. My early years weren’t easy.

My birth mother suffered from schizophrenia (severely and eventually permanently hospitalized), and addiction to alcohol and gambling choked all the life out of my birth father. My sister and I lived with my father’s co-dependent/enabler grandmother and was abused by a boarder who lived in her house.

Not a great beginning.

I don’t share this with you to make you uncomfortable or to get sympathy points because my life didn’t stay that way. I was adopted and received layer after layer of personal healing and insights that allow me to incorporate this experience into my being.

Healing took a long, long time.

My adoptive Daddy was a big part of that. He was 54 and Mama was 50 when they adopted me. That’s taking a big chance–but it also shows what a void they had to fill.

He died when I was 23 years old. Too young for him to die–and too young for me. But he isn’t really gone.

He has become a part of me now–his songs, his stories, his gestures, his wisdom–I carry him every day.

I see him just like I did when I was six and playing baseball in the backyard–he was my “seated” lawn chair pitcher. I broke his garage window. Don’t know that he got too upset.

I remember the summer we had  a contest and ate 38 watermelons. He told me vines were going to shoot out my ears. I hoped they would. Every time my nose tickled, or I hiccuped, I got excited.

I remember when I was 12 and just starting to like boys–Daddy drove me to the skating rink each Saturday night and picked me up at 11:00. I know he really didn’t want to get dressed and traipse out that late, but he did. I remember when he asked me if that boy kissed me. I lied and said, “No, Daddy.” He knew. I knew. But I couldn’t say the words–not to my dad.

I remember when I brought home countless boyfriends and the disgusting look he’d hide behind his newspaper. No one was ever good enough for his little sweety-pie.

Eventually, one was, and I married him. He loves my dad as much as I do. That’s why we’re still married. He reminds me of that honorable man who changed my life and he’s the daddy to our three girls. His face lights up when his daughters just walk into the room. His face lights up when I walk into the room.

That’s why I keep him.

The power of a great dad changes a child’s life. And it keeps changing it. Even after our dads are no longer walking on this earth. Whispered wisdom, needed advice, family traditions and that sense of security never goes away.

I never got to be my dad’s caregiver the way I did with my mom. But I promised him we would take care of her. That promise got me through some rough times.

I hope you enjoy a short excerpt from my forthcoming book, SAID CHILD.

It’s about our night time ritual and coming home after church. (Being raised in church means I have many, many memories of life on the pew). Perhaps this excerpt will spark one of your own favorite memories.

The greatest thing we can do for our dads on Father’s Day is simply to remember.

Excerpt from SAID CHILD:

Daddy slid next to us after his usher and elder duties of collecting and counting the money were complete. We’d all squeeze into the pew making room and he’d have to pull on his coat a few times to get comfortable. He’d reach in his shirt pocket and in one continuous smooth move, a gold package of Butter Rum Life Savers appeared and the fleshy underbelly of my tongue salivated. I got one, he got one and he’d wink. Mama preferred peppermint. Peppermint reminded me of the nausea of backseat card rides.

I’d roll the butter rum disk around in my mouth and hold it vertical between my teeth, my tongue reading the raised letters as if in Braille. I’d lay my head against Daddy’s arm, recognizing the texture of his different suits, and then he’d put his arm around me and poke his finger in my ear. I brush it away and he’d smile without looking at me. I snuggled up waiting for my butter rum Life Saver to dissolve so I could get another one. As the preacher’s words droned on and on, I knew we’d never make it home in time to see the Sunday night Disney movie. We never did. Missing all my favorite TV shows was the worst part to me. I’d have to run a fever or throw-up to get to stay home.

Daddy covered my legs with his jacket and patted me until the sounds and lights muffled, dimming into soft shades of gold as I watched my eyelashes fold again and again, the world faded fuzzy, then black.

I barely remembered most of the car ride home on Sunday nights and Daddy would place me between the cool sheets long after I was too big to be carried, my lanky legs scraping the bed and the quilt slid in place. 

Daddy half-whispered, half-growled, “My baby done gone to sleep, Lord bless my little sweety-pie.”

He’d sing me to sleep and I’d always ask for Mr. Moon:  

Oh Mr. Moon, Moon, bright and shinin’ moon,

Oh won’t you please shine down on me.

For my life’s in danger and I’m scared to run,

There’s a man behind me with me with a big shot gun,

Oh Mr. Moon, Moon, bright and shinin’ moon, oh won’t you please shine down on me. Boom, boom, boom.

***

Happy Father’s Day, Daddy.

~Carol D. O’Dell

Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir

available on Amazon

www.mothering-mother.com

Family advisor at www.Caring.com

Syndicated blog at www.OpentoHope.com

www.kunati.com, publishers

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You can’t watch someone you love struggle with a disease and not be affected.

But what can you do?

As a caregiver, family member or friend, you can’t make it go away.

Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s are two debilitating diseases that are slow and grueling and take a toll on people’s spirits, and affects everyone around them. For some, they turn into fighters, but even fighters get tired. 

You can’t offer your bone marrow or donate a kidney–you feel helpless to help.

And yet, there’s a group of family and friends who are doing something phenomenal to raise funds and awareness to fight these two monster diseases.

It’s called:

“10 Mountains – 10 Years” – A Quest for the Cure.

 

 

One decade long, 44 ½ vertical miles high, 7 countries, 6 continents and 2 diseases.

The Regulars” an international team of climbers has begun to mount what may very well become the grandest, most physically demanding, and exciting campaign to raise awareness and funds needed to help find cures for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease.

“This years team has the most dynamic line up to date”, said team captain Vincent Roland Simone. “The team will range from inexperienced to experienced, and from 11 years old to 50 years old. In the end I honestly believe regular people will play a big part in conquering these diseases”.

In 2006 “the Regulars” began their epic on Mont Blanc (France) the highest peak in continental Europe. Collectively their route around the globe from Mont Blanc to Everest 2015 will be named a “A Trail called Hope”. Each year the expeditions will be attempted in honor of the collective 30 million family’s world wide who have been directly impacted by these diseases, the care givers who ease the struggle of those affected, and the scientists who diligently battle to find a cure. A victory in reaching these summits is symbolic of overcoming the many challenging milestones in medical research and funding needed to find the cause and a cure for Alzheimer’s disease & Parkinson’s disease.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, “an estimated 5 million Americans have Alzheimer’s disease.” Unless a cure is found, “by 2050 the number of individuals with Alzheimer’s could range from 11.3 million to 16 million.”

None of these figures account for people affected in other countries. There is no cure.

Today more than six million people worldwide are living with Parkinson’s disease, and 40% of those people are under the age of sixty. Currently one of the youngest people diagnosed was 8 years old at the time of diagnosis. Over the course of this year 60,000 new cases will be diagnosed. There is also no cure for Parkinson’s.

The “10 Mountains – 10 Years” (a quest for the cure) project is unique in a number of other ways:

• Supporting two major high profile organizations: the

 

 

 

Alzheimer’s Association & the Michael J. Fox Foundation

• The first climbing / awareness / fund raising event to span a decade, climb more than 44-1/2 miles into the sky, endeavor to reach 10 mountain summits in 7 countries, on 6 continents, in an effort to help conquer 2 diseases.

• A yearly opportunity for people, media, corporations, scientists, and governments to revisit the topic of each disease. The 10/10 project is a look back into the past year to assess the strides made by all of the above, it is also a look ahead to goals being set in research for the coming year.

• Ultimately, it is a story of how a small group of

 

 

regular people can decide that they can make a difference – great or small – then follow through with their personal promise to make it happen.

 

This year on Independence Day

 

 

 (July 4, 2008) four of “the Regulars” returning team mates will join Eileen Colon /Bencivengo on

“A Trail Called Hope – III – Mount Hood”

Collectively she will join additional team mates from Texas, Colorado, New York, California and England on the mountain in hopes of reaching the summit and helping to raise awareness for the cures. One team mate (a retired fire fighter turned photographer) residing in Colorado suffers from Young Onset Parkinson’s and will join the Regulars on the Mount Hood summit climb in hopes of inspiring others with Parkinson’s and or Alzheimer’s to never give up on themselves.

The team for “A Trail Called Hope III – Mount Hood”, which is third in a set of ten mountain climbing expedition will be the following:

 

 

 

Team Captain:

 

 

 

Vincent Roland Simone (41) – New York.

Team:

Eileen Colon / Bencivengo (50) – New Jersey

Eric Buzzetto (27) – New York

Daniel Simone (40) – New York

Tyler Simone (11) – New York

Brett Curtis (32) – United Kingdom

Jennifer Yee (24) – California

Matthew Jimenez (21) – Texas

Troy Parker (46) – Colorado

Cy Maramangalam (28) – New Jersey

In 2007 Jennifer Yee an independent film producer and owner of Back Light Productions joined “the Regulars” team. Backlight Productions began to film a multi part film documentary in September 2007. The documentary will not only follow the efforts of “the Regulars” over the course of their decade-long mountain adventures in raising awareness and funds, but also document the progress and setbacks made in Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s during the coming decade. The first release will focus on the events surrounding the Mount Hood Climb.

***

I recently talked with Eileen Colon, one of the newest members who’s putting on a fundraiser this Saturday, May 17th to raise funds for their upcoming climb. I wanted to know what (or who) inspired her, and why, at 50 years old is she climbing her first (of many) mountains?

Here’s our discussion:

What was your first encounter with Parkinson’s?

My first encounter with Parkinson’s Disease came when my sister-in-laws father was diagnosed with it late in his life and passed from it.
There are two wonderful friends of mine that I met through Myspace that have Young Onset Parkinson’s Disease.
I have formed a team “Jim’s Gems” for two years now and have taken them to NY for the Unity Walk. I did this in honor of my good friend Jim who has the disease. My other good friend, Ken Glowienke, from Focus on A Cure for Parkinson’s, also has YOPD. I met him for the first time last year at the Unity Walk. He flew in from Chicago to be part of my team. Our friendship is one I cherish with all of my heart. He has the most beautiful and loving wife and I share a special friendship with her also. Jim and I train in the martial arts under the same association so we are always thrown together at tournaments and special events. I cherish my friendship with him also. He was my inspiration in becoming involved in the Parkinson’s community on Myspace and for bringing Enzo to me from the Regulars.
Who all has been affected by Parkinson’s in your life and how has their struggle made you look at your own life?  My mother had Parkinson’s for close to 15 years, and so I’m quite familiar with the issues that arise. My mother always had a tenacious spirit, but I found that Parkinson’s made her even more determined to be independent for as long as possible. Is this true among those you know who struggle with PD?
I look at life very differently now. I make myself walk in there shoes. I fight for every one I know with this disease plus the ones I don’t know. I take my role as an advocate very seriously. I want to ensure my own children will not be faced with this. I posted a blog about the heart of an advocate on my Myspace page. It says it all for me.
I walk and now climb, fundraise and draw awareness for those that can’t. As long as God gives me the strength to do this, I will. And when the strength to physically do this runs out I will still advocate in other ways. I look at life as a gift. Each day that I wake up I thank God for giving me this day to continue being a good mother to my children and for still being able to advocate.
The two men I speak of have the most tenacious spirit and determination to beat this disease that I have ever seen. There are so many others that I don’t know quite as personal who also fight this fight with there heads held high. As we hope for a cure, and it seems so close, there fight becomes stronger and stronger. They are true inspirations in my life. They push me to help get them closer to a cure. They are my heroes.
Tell me about your fundraise on May 17th and what are your goals?
My fundraiser this Saturday is part of my efforts to raise funds and awareness for Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease in conjunction with my team The Regulars. It’s hard to say how much I will raise. It is an Open House for my karate studio also and it will be advertised in the paper. So it depends on how many people show up over the course of the day. I have been in karate all week selling Raffle Tickets for a Chinese Auction I have going on.
How did the “Ten Mountains in Ten Years Project” get started?
Enzo Simone from Amawalk, NY divised the 10 mountains 10years project. His mother has Alzheimer’s and his father-in-law has Parkinson’s. I had the pleasure of meeting them both at the Unity Walk in April as Enzo came in to join me with my team.
The mountains:
Mount Blanc – France
Cotopaxi/Chimborazo – Ecuador
Mount Hood/Mount Shasta – USA
Aconcagua – Argentina
Kilimanjaro – Tanzania, Africa
Mount McKinley – Alaska
Mount Elbrus – Russia
Cho Oyo – Khumbu Himalaya Nepal/Tibet
Vinson Massif – Antartica
Mount Everest – Himalaya, Nepal/Tibet
How’s your training going?

My training is going well. I threw on my backpack for the first time on Mother’s Day and went for a hike. It was a challenge but I eventually got a feel for it. I train almost every day. Six days a week but now I am training everyday.
Can anyone join in at any time?
Anyone can jump on board at any time to be part of the Regulars Street Team. However, the climbs are planned and you either receive an invitation from Enzo or you send him a message saying you would like to join one of his climbs.
I received “The Call” on Myspace because we were friends and he was impressed by my advocacy work on my other causes. I accepted and my journey began.
How has this changed your life already?
I challenge my body on a daily basis. I was an athlete from the time I was in third grade. When I married at 22 and had my first son, my atheticism slowed down. Occassionally exercising. Life dictated other things and I had three more children and never had time. When myone son joined karate it sparked my interest. I eventually signed on and have been training in the martial arts for over eight years. I am a second degree black belt. Testing is grueling so a lot of preparation goes into getting to that point. I have walked 60 miles in three days for Breast Cancer, two years in a row. When Enzo asked to join his team I doubted myself for a second or two and then went in head first to get ready.
It is very challenging to train everyday and still be mom and run a household. I feel my boys are inspired by me. They see there mom going out there and proving at my age, 50, anything is possible. And it is. So I look at my boys and I step up to the plate and do this for them.
***
I have to say, I am impressed and humbled by this small band of “regular people” and their devotion to those they love and their fight against the diseases that have so deeply effected their lives and the lives of those they love. This is love in action.
Anyone out there who feels stuck in their own life, who is also affected by this disease–either as a caregiver, friend, or person struggling with this disease, I hope you’ll consider contributing to this cause–and cure.
We all long to be a part of something that makes a difference, and Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s take so much control from our lives and our bodies. By finding a way to give–or help spread this message (please feel free to cut and paste and send this blog to anyone and everyone), you’ll get a little bit of control back. You’ll feel that you contributed your grain of sand–and each grain helps tip that scale.
As a small added incentive, if you do happen to purchase my book, Mothering Mother: either on Amazon, Barnes & Noble.com, Target.com, or order it from your local bookstores, between now and July 4th, email me at writecarol@comcast.net to say you’ve done so, and I’ll donate two dollars per book to this cause.
Mothering Mother was written in “real time” during the last three years of my mother’s life. It tells the truth about caregiving and family life. It doesn’t just focus on the bleakness of the situation, but also incorprates the hilarious moments, the mother-daughter fights, the contempletive thoughts of life, and the nitty-gritty details that often get glossed over. I wrote it because I felt so alone and isolated. I needed something for my soul, my intellect, my creativity–something that incorporated what Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s does to relationships and how you see yourself. I hope it touches it lives of many who find themselves on a similar journey.
My mother suffered with Parkinson’s for 15 years–and I became her companion, I stood in the doorway as she trembled, as she tried so very hard to will her body to move.
During the last three years of her life, she moved in with my family and me, and then she developed Alzheimer’s (I suspect it was there before and I was too much in denial and exhaustion to recognize it). I know too well what these disease does to your life, your head, your heart, your faith, and your spirit.
None of us could make it without our support.
I hope you’ll find a way to spread the word, give, and cheer on this courageous team.
available on Amazon or request it at your favorite bookstore
Family Advisor at www.Caring.com

Syndicated Blog at www.OpentoHope.com

 

For further information please visit the Regulars website:

 

 

or http://www.myspace.com/10mountains10years or

http://10mountains10years.blogspot.com/

For the Michael J. Fox Foundations for Parkinson’s Research.

P.O. Box 4777 New York, NY 10163

(212) 509-0995 ext. 204

 

http://www.michaeljfox.org

 

 

and for Team Fox visit www.TeamFox.org

Donations to the Alzheimer’s Association & the Michael J. Fox Foundation in honor of the

Regulars “10 Mountains – 10 Years (A Quest for the Cure)” project:

http://www.theRegulars.org

Once on the Regulars Website please click the page entitled “Donate Toward Research”

# # #
 

 

 

 

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I’m a sandwich generation caregiver.

My 89-year old adoptive mother (who suffered with Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s) moved in with us–my husband and I, two of our three daughters, plus a menagerie of dogs and cats.

My situation won’t be the same.

We have three daughters, and I had all of them while I was in my twenties.

That means when I’m 89, my daughters will be 67, 66, and 63. Yikes.

I hope they’ll be in good health and that we can all toodle around and take road trips, eat triple decker double-dipped ice-cream cones and enjoy our grandchildren–and my great grand children.

But there are no guarantees we’ll all be in good health.

And being in your late sixties and caregiving can’t be a picnic.

Just ask all the boomers who are starting down this road now.

Ironically, my mother-in-law has a mother-in-law. Neither are spring chickens. My mother-in-law is 79, and her mother-in-law is 95.

My mother-in-law has begun to slow down and is dealing with an arthritic knee. Her father-in-law died this year  and they’ve been driving three hours a day to help care for his mom (my mother-in-law’s mom-in-law). They’re worried about how things will go in the future, what care she’ll need, how they’ll manage.

They face the same questions I faced–what do we do about mom?

Do we place her in a care facility? Does she live with family?

But they (my father-in-law has his  2 siblings) also have different questions:

Are any of us capable of caring for her–long-term? 

My father-in-law just retired. He was planning on golfing, driving to see all the kids and grandkids, and instead, he’s caregiving.

Guess you just can’t get away from it. The best you can do is look a bit ahead and make a semi-plan.

And as we age, caregiving is even more difficult–physically in particular.

Families have new questions to ask. New plans to make. Grab the moments of fun now and not wait for some “golden” day for that dream trip or to think you’ll sail into your senior years in the glow of a sensual–just-two-love-birds sunset.

My plan is to really, really spoil my grandchildren–afterall, they’ll be young enough to care for me. That, and live big/love hard–now.

~Carol D. O’Dell

Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir

 available on Amazon and in most bookstores

www.mothering-mother.com

www.kunati.com

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Join Author and Presenter Carol D. O’Dell

January 11th and 12th

Floricda Association of Professional Geriatric
Care
Managers Retreat
“Breakfast With Carol: Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Joy”
8am

Sarasota, Florida

************

January 14th

Amelia Island Book Club

Author Chat

7pm

************

January 19th, 10am

Florida Writer’s Association Meeting in the Ancient City
St. Augustine, Florida

************

January 28-April 4th, Wednesdays 1-3pm

University of North Florida
Lifelong Learning Institute

Neptune Beach Community Center
Memoir Class (Carol D. O’Dell, instructor)

************

 Feb 1, 2008

Dementia and Alzheimer’s Conference

Savannah, Ga.

followed by a booksigning at

Books A Million

8108 Abercorn St
Savannah, GA 31406
(912) 925-8112

5-9pm

************

Feb. 2, 2008

Caregiving Conference

Orange Park, Florida

10am-4pm

************

Feb. 9th, 2008

North Florida Writers

2pm

Wesconnett Library on 103rd St.

Jacksonville, Florida

************

Feb. 23, 2008

Booksignng at

Borders Bookstore

6837 W Newberry Rd
Gainesville, FL 32605
(352) 331-2722

1-4pm

************

March

Miami Dade Library Talk

tba

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March 12th, 6pm

Voice of America Radio
Healing the Grieving Heart with Gloria Horsley

March 29, 2008

Atlanta Writers Club

Proposal Workshop

9am-6pm

$90.00

Register through www.atlantawritersclub.org

Location: tba

Check Back for More Events!


 

 

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