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Archive for the ‘amelia island’ Category

Creating a bedtime ritual is good for the body and soul.

Parents do this for their children–read them a book, sing a song, say a prayer. Why do we ever stop?

Everything from brushing your teeth to the way you fluff your pillow gives cues to your body to begin to relax and let go. It’s a great way to ward off insomnia and over-thinking/worrying.

 

I always ask myself two questions at the end of each day:

What was the best part of my day?

What am I looking forward to tomorrow?

As I ask myself the first question, I almost always get a visual, and about 85% of the time the best part of my day had something to do with nature. Not about me achieving my goals–and believe me, I’m very goal driven. It’s not about a royalty check reflecting how many books I’ve sold or some other personal achievement (sometimes it is, but it has to be something I feel I’ve earned or dreamed about for a long time).

The first question allows me reflect upon the day.

It’s about the double-winged dragonfly that zipped past me while I was biking. Or the blue heron that stood still and let me get really close. Or the field of wild rabbits I came up on. No matter where you live–New York City or Kalamazoo, there’s more nature around you than you think. It’s there for a reason–it sustains you in so many ways.

 

Nature gets me outside myself. It connects me with all living things. It’s exquisite,  exotic, powerful, and surprising. Sometimes I relive these moments–the feel of my hair lifting off my shoulders as I bike, the buoyancy of the waves as I body surf–reliving those moments at the end of my day is living life twice.

Occasionally, it’s about an old friend that called, a recognition I’m particularly honored to receive, but more times than not–it’s not about me.

This one question has also changed my day. What will I have to tell myself at the end of the day if I don’t get outside and give opportunity for those “best parts of my day” to present themselves?

It’s heightened my awareness. I step out my front door expecting a miracle, or at the very least, a gift.  When that hummingbird appears, that deer looks me in the eye, I’m acutely aware–and grateful. I tuck in my memory like a pebble in my pocket knowing I’ll get to enjoy it again as I lay my head on my pillow.

The second question links me to the new day in front of me.

This one I heard from Dr. Phil.Now I’m not crazy about the direction he’s taken with his Jerry Springer-esque tv show, but I heard that he asks his sons this question each night so that they would end the day on a note of hope.

No matter our age or circumstance of life–we all need something to look forward to tomorrow.

Whether it’s meeting a friend for lunch or the next day’s walk, we need to go to sleep with the thought that tomorrow is waiting for us.

It doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to cost money. It’s about creating a life of meaning.

Even our elders those we are caregiving need to look forward to the next day.

This again, causes us to create our days, make plans, and focus.

Create a morning ritual as well. 

List 5 things you’re grateful for before you get up.

Again, we’re talking simple.

Here’s today’s morning list for me:

I’m grateful for–

  • a bike ride (I go on one every morning)
  • my dog Rupert and his he sits nudged under my desk as I write
  • cherries that are in season–and the bowl that awaits me when I get up
  • my favorite pillow–gushy
  • my newly painted office that is lipstick red with white trim–and has a whole wall painted in chalkboard paint so I can literally write on the walls

Nothing earth shattering, but as my feet hit the ground each morning, I do what was suggested in the book, The Secret. Each step I take on my way to the bathroom–I say, “thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.” Out loud. I

‘m smiling by the time I glance into the mirror.

This sure is better than beating myself up for saying something stupid that day, or mulling over a pile of bills, or rehasing a disagreement. There is a time to deal with those things, but that time isn’t the last thing at night or the first thing in the morning.

Protect this sacred time. Gather the best, look forward to tomorrow–

and fill your heart with gratitude.

 

I’m Carol O’Dell, and this is my blog, Mothering Mother and More, found at caroldodell.wordpress.com/

Carol is the author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir.

It’s a collection of stories and thoughts for families and caregivers written in real time as she cared for her mother who suffered with Alzheimer’ and Parkinson’s.

Mothering Mother is available at Amazon and can be requested at any bookstore or library.

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We avoid thinking about or dealing with death at every turn.

Even caregivers who are caring for their aging parents try not to think about the inevitable end.

 

 

Cancer, Alzheimer’s, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, combined with age will eventually claim the lives of those we love. And sadly, by not fully anticipating and participating in this momentous event, we’re left scared, in doubt, and not knowing how to die–or be with someone we love when the time comes.

 

Who will teach us? How will we learn?

 

 

I recently interviewed a Rachel, a young mother in my community who experienced a tragedy–she lost her two year old little boy, Tyler, in a swimming pool accident.

 

 

As I sat with Rachel and listened to her story, I immediately sensed she had wisdom and insight well beyond her years. She’s handled grief with grace, forgiveness, and determination.

 

 

My own worries seemed insignificant.

 

Rachel’s story got me to thinking.

 

 

How will we remember our loved ones?

 

What memorial, statue, headstone or story will honor those who have touched our lives?

 

 

While I have nothing against cremation, sometimes people need a place to go–it’s important to create a sanctuary or sorts–a place to be, to pray, to think and meditate. 

 

A place to remember.

 

 

My Daddy is buried in Atlanta, and so this Father’s Day, I’ve had to create a new place for “us” to meet and talk.

 

I like to spend a few minutes catching up with my daddy about my life.

I have a bench overlooking a lake in my backyard. He would have liked it here. He loved to sit outside and talk.

 

 

That’s where I’m headed this Sunday.

I’m including an article I recently wrote about Rachel and a place of remembrance for all those who have lost someone they love.

 

As you read her remarkable story, I’m sure you’ll agree–we can all learn from her–how to love, and how to hope again.

 

 

Angels Among Us 

 

There’s an angel on Amelia Island. The childlike face lifts toward the sky, arms outstretched as though holding something invisible, and bronzed wings gleam against the stark Florida sun. The inscription at the bottom of the statue reads, “Angel of Hope.” It is encircled by a short brick wall and eight benches for seating with a loved one’s name on each one.

 

I found this “Angel of Hope” one afternoon on a photography/bike trek around the island. I stopped to take a picture and began to read:

 

The inscription on the back of the statue reads, “The Christmas Box Angel,” and I thought of Richard Paul Evans’ book, The Christmas Box, about a woman who mourns the loss of her child and finds comfort at the base of an angel monument.

 

At the base of the angel I read, “For all the children” and began to put it together—the benches, the names, the stones lined up at the base, the bouquet of flowers indicating someone had been here. 

 

This angel is a place of remembrance for families who have lost a child. It’s a sacred gift given by other bereaved parents and is available to anyone who would like to come, sit, and remember. 

 

I thought of Tyler, a purely sweet loving laid-back two-year old with beautiful big brown eyes, the son of Rachel and Patrick Pennewell. I remembered the day I found out Tyler had suffered a swimming pool accident.

 

Rachel, his mother told me, “Tyler was our angel. He had a purpose in being here. Sometimes I would just look at him. He was such a calm, knowing soul, and I’d wonder, you know something, don’t you? Some things be understood here on earth.”

 

After Tyler’s passing, Rachel and Patrick found the community of Nassau to be their angels who sustained them in those early weeks and months when shock turned to grief. 

 

“I’ll never be able to thank the people at our church and in our community for all they did. How can I ever show them what this meant to us?”

 

Rachel said it’s so important for bereaved parents to find ways to give back because, “What else can we do? You don’t stop being a parent. You have to find a way to give, and in that giving, your child lives on.”

 

I asked Rachel how she got to a place of peace.

 

“Tyler’s life completely transformed the way I saw myself, and that lives on today. He brought such peace into my life, from the moment of conception on; it was as if he had a mission. Patrick and I now have a second child, Hannah, Tyler’s little sister. I promise, Tyler helped pick her out. In so many ways, he’s still with us. He’ll always be with us.”

 

As I stand in this circle and read the names on each of the benches that surround this angel, I wonder who each one of them are, what their stories are, because it’s our stories that connect us–not the how did-he-die stories–but the deeper question: how did he live?

This Amelia angel creates a circle of hope; the hope and belief that each child’s life, no matter how short of a time they spent on earth, is a gift. If you look closely at the angel’s right wing, you will see the word “hope.”

 

The golden moments in the stream of life rush past us

 and we see nothing but sand;

the angels come to visit us,

and we only know them when they are gone. 

                                                                                                          ~George Elliot

 

Christmas Box Angels are erected in more than 25 other communities around the world.  http://www.richardpaulevans.com/statue.html

If you’d like to view a photograph of this statue, it’s posted on my website at http://home.comcast.net/~cdodell/ (www.mothering-mother.com) on the Caregiving Tips page.

~Carol D. O’Dell

Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir

available on Amazon

www.mothering-mother.com

Family Advisor at www.Caring.com

Syndicated blog at www.OpentoHope.com

www.kunati.com Publishers

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If you’ve ever had a bladder infection (the common name for UTIs), then you know how very painful they can be.

If you haven’t, let me describe one for you:

Many times, you don’t realize right off what’s wrong.

You’re edgier than normal. You feel “different down there,” but you’re not sure. Then, you get the frequent urinating thing. Every two minutes.

It begins to be painful, sometimes there’s nothing to urinate but you feel ike you have to. I mean you have to like someone’s holding your foot and you’ve got to jump off a cliff.

You start drinking water like crazy thinking you can dilute it. You hear cranberry juice or pills help, so you run out and buy some and chug down a quart.

No matter what else you think you have to accomplish, you can’t.

You can’t think straight. There are no other thoughts but those of pain. Your lower abdomen aches. You wet your pants, you can’t help it, and you cry as you’re doing it.

You’re in absolute agony, and if you had a gun and could drive yourself to the pharmacy, you would hold it up—for meds. For relief. I’m not kidding.

Even after you get the meds, it takes hours, if not days. You can run a fever. You snap at everybody, if you can even answer them. You find yourself running your fingers through your hair over and over. You avoid everyone.

This is a bladder infection.

The medical world acts like it isn’t a big deal, but I swear, if you had to live this way, and live with this undiagnosed, you might kill someone. They act like the second you get antibiotics it instantaneously goes away. But the overuse of antibiotics carry a consequence, according to the AMA.

Doctors and nurses pooh-pooh you if you’re young.

They think you’re amorous, having too much sex. Wink, wink. While that can be one cause, it’s not the only cause.

Women suffer greatly from UTIs (more than men, in general) in part due to their anatomy—a short urethra. Yeah, blame us.

But I know there are other reasons. Nerves, for one. I always get a bladder infection when something big is about to happen—buying a house, passing a big test. And yes, I’m amorous (and monogamous). That’s a good thing.

UTIs are also serious and can be life threatening if left untreated.

But what would a UTI be like if you couldn’t communicate?

If you had ALS or Alzheimer’s, or some other impairment that kept you from realizing exactly what was going on? What if you didn’t want to tell your daughter, or your nurse that you wet yourself again and again? Would you be shamed? Who wants to change multiple sheets or panties?

Urinary tract infections in the elderly are very, very common.

Particularly in women, and even more so for those who live in a care facility.

And they often go untreated.

Why?

Too many to care for, perhaps. The elder’s inability to describe what’s happening.

UTIs in the elderly or in people with Alzheimer’s can affect not only their health, but can also lead to significant behavioral changes. In fact, if your loved one’s behavior has changed recently, even if they’re male, you should consider the possibility that they could have a UTI.

Just as with me, agitation or nervousness is a big indicator.

The person is concentrating to deal with the pain—there’s nothing left for niceties. Check to see if they’re running a low grade fever, if they’ve soiled their underwear, if they’re more disoriented than usual.  

Elders with Alzheimer’s or Parkinson’s, or other neurological disorders may not remember to urinate—even their bodies and muscles begin to forget, to give off the proper signals, and this leads to a tract infection.

 

Those who have diabetes are also having a higher risk of a UTI because of changes in the immune system. Any disorder that suppresses the immune system raises the risk of a urinary infection.

 

If your male elder has an enlarged prostrate, that can impede urinary flow and cause an infection. So can a kidney stone.

 

People who are catheterized or have tubes placed into the bladder are more prone to urinary tract infection. (This is the highest group of all)

 

Caregivers, You Need to Know the Most Common Urinary Tract Infection Indications:

·       Frequent urination along with the feeling of having to urinate even though there may be very little urine to pass.

·       Nocturia: Need to urinate during the night.

·       Urethritis: Discomfort or pain at the urethral meatus or a burning sensation throughout the urethra with urination (dysuria).

·       Pain in the midline suprapubic region also known as flank pain and is also associated with kidney infections.

·       Pyuria: Pus in the urine or discharge from the urethra.

·       Hematuria: Blood in urine.

·       Pyrexia: Mild fever

·       Cloudy and foul-smelling urine

·       Increased confusion and associated falls are common for elderly patients with UTI.

·       Some urinary tract infections are asymptomatic and difficult to detect.

·       Protein found in the urine.

·        

Kidney Infection Indications:

*                All of the above symptoms plus:  

·       Emesis: Vomiting.

·        Back, side (flank) or groin pain.

·       Abdominal pain or pressure.

·       Shaking chills and high spiking fever.

·       Night sweats.

·       Extreme fatigue.

 

Testing for UTIs is usually a mid-flow urine test, and trust me, that can difficult in and of itself when dealing with an elder loved one.

The treatment for UTIs is antibiotics, but antibiotics have become overused and may not always be effective. Be sure to retest. Elderly individuals, both men and women, are more likely to harbor bacteria in their genitourinary system at any time, which means it just comes with old(er) age.

 

Care facilities are a medical necessity in many families lives for many reasons, but there is a higher incidence in care homes for UTIs. If you can care for your loved one at home for as long as possible and utilize the many community resources available to you—and keep your elder on a consistent routine, your elder is better off.

 

 

But I know how hard this is. I cared for my mother at home for the last three years of her life, and I do know there comes a time when you can’t do any more than you’ve already done.

 

By at least being aware of UTIs and how they present themselves, you can keep your loved one from suffering from this very painful and frustrating ailment.

 

Don’t let your elder suffer in silence.

 

~Carol D. O’Dell is the author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir

available on Amazon

www.mothering-mother.com

Family Advisor at www.Caring.com

Syndicated blog at www.OpentoHope.com

www.kunati.com Publisher

 

 

Helpful Websites:

Alzheimer’s TreatmentsLatest news on drugs and treatment- from the Alzheimer’s Association.www.alz.org/treat

Alzheimer’s StagesUnderstand The Stages Of Alzheimers See Our Alzheimer’s Stages Site.Understanding-AlzheimersDisease.com

Alzheimers Nutrition TipsStrategies for Managing Mealtime Family Caregiving Advice & CDswww.LightBridgeHealthcare.com

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Join Author and Presenter Carol D. O’Dell

January 11th and 12th

Floricda Association of Professional Geriatric
Care
Managers Retreat
“Breakfast With Carol: Finding and Keeping Your Everyday Joy”
8am

Sarasota, Florida

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January 14th

Amelia Island Book Club

Author Chat

7pm

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January 19th, 10am

Florida Writer’s Association Meeting in the Ancient City
St. Augustine, Florida

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January 28-April 4th, Wednesdays 1-3pm

University of North Florida
Lifelong Learning Institute

Neptune Beach Community Center
Memoir Class (Carol D. O’Dell, instructor)

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 Feb 1, 2008

Dementia and Alzheimer’s Conference

Savannah, Ga.

followed by a booksigning at

Books A Million

8108 Abercorn St
Savannah, GA 31406
(912) 925-8112

5-9pm

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Feb. 2, 2008

Caregiving Conference

Orange Park, Florida

10am-4pm

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Feb. 9th, 2008

North Florida Writers

2pm

Wesconnett Library on 103rd St.

Jacksonville, Florida

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Feb. 23, 2008

Booksignng at

Borders Bookstore

6837 W Newberry Rd
Gainesville, FL 32605
(352) 331-2722

1-4pm

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March

Miami Dade Library Talk

tba

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March 12th, 6pm

Voice of America Radio
Healing the Grieving Heart with Gloria Horsley

March 29, 2008

Atlanta Writers Club

Proposal Workshop

9am-6pm

$90.00

Register through www.atlantawritersclub.org

Location: tba

Check Back for More Events!


 

 

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