This week, Oprah ran a clip of a home health care person slapping and beating an elderly man. It was painful to watch. It was caught on a “granny cam.” The man’s daughter suspected abuse, and unfortunately got her answer.
It’s heartbreaking, especially if our loved ones can’t speak for themselves. Many illnesses, such as Alzheimer’s, dementia, ALS, or MS may impede their ability to communicate. Caregiving also means you look out for your loved one, even if you’re not the one giving the actual physical care.
Some questions:
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Are granny cams legal?
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Should you let people know you’re filming them? Is this against the law if you don’t?
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Can you put one in a care facility where your loved one is staying?
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Do you, or should you prosecute someone who is abusing the elderly?
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Can you, should you ask all care providers for background checks on their staff?
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What about theft?
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How do you make sure you and your loved one is safe?
In care facilities, how can I make sure that all the staff (day, night, weekends, cleaning, cooking staff as well as skilled nursing staff) is properly trained and following safe practices?
These are just some of the questions caregivers and families need answers to. It’s going to up to you to get them. In many cases, you’ll have to come right out and ask–in other cases, it will be in writing.
Speak up and ASK.
Take responsibility–not in an ugly way, but be clear that you expect and deserve good care for your loved one.
Don’t assume because you’ve employed care from a large chain or well known care provider that you will receive stellar care.
Did you know that people at some care facilities are allowed certain “offenses” on their record–and can still be hired? Do you know what those “offenses” are? Might want to check it out.
I know, you need help. You need the break. You need respite care, you need help with baths and lifting, and chores, but who can you trust? How do you find reputable care? When can you ever feel that you can leave your house and your loved one and not worry?
That’s where granny cams can provide a sense of safety.
Let me clarify:
I don’t want to catch anyone hurting my loved one.
I want to prevent it.
Here’s a few helpful hints for finding
and keeping good home care:
(care facility hints will be on another blog)
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Go through a respected company. Check on their policies. Make sure they’re bonded and licensed. It may be a little more money, but you have a little more recourse if something goes wrong.
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Be willing to go through several people until you find the one that suits your family dynamics.
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Trust your gut. Get another family member or trust friend to also weigh in.
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Be there the first few times (at least). Observe how they interact with everyone–including the dog–dogs have great instinct.
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Clear the room of all valuables.
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Put all your important info behind lock and key–if your house is where the care is occurring. Lock business papers up. Put valuable in the safety deposit box at the bank. Don’t leave out info like social security numbers and bank cards, etc.
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Don’t leave spare keys lying around.
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If (when) you find a good person you can trust–treat them well. Talk, listen, be good to them–and hopefully hold onto them because a good person who really cares for you and your family is a blessing.
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Don’t hesitate to let go of someone who isn’t working out. There’s too much at stake. Be professional, but do what’s right for you and your loved one.
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Consider “hiring” a loved one, neighbor or friend–just because you know what kind of person they are, and they might need the money.
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Be clear about what you expect–in writing. It gives you something to go back to.
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Don’t be too picky. No one’s going to do things just like you. Shoot for overall care and safety.
Sounds like a lot of work?
It is, but wouldn’t you do this for your child? What’s the difference? Our aging and ill are just as vulnerable and depend on us just as much.
I wish I could tell you this was going to be easy–and dealing with reputable companies gives you a better chance of getting it right the first time.
A granny cam is only one tool when it comes to making sure your loved one is safe.
Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir,
available on Amazon and in most bookstores
A granny cam would have been good to review an incident at an adult foster care home. My care recipient went in when I took some time off, my only vacation in five years. I was out of town when I found out my guy was in the hospital. After everything settled down and we were back in the normal swing of things at home, I visited the foster care home. The owner told me my care recipient had climbed out of bed, over the side bars, and fell. This was hard to believe. My guy couldn’t even roll over on his own, but I was supposed to believe he mustered the strength to sit up and organized his thoughts to do some climbing? I told the woman what I thought happened, because I was surprised more than once. I said she got him out of bed, relaxed for a moment, and he fell. The difference between him falling there or at home is I caught him before he hit the floor. It doesn’t take a 6’3″, 230 pound former wrestler to catch a frail father-in-law on the way down, but it sure doesn’t hurt.