“We’re Not That Close:” Celebrations for Relationship Challenged Mothers and Daughters How do you celebrate Mother’s Day (or birthdays and other special days) if your relationship is less than perfect?
- Plan an activity: go to the zoo, a concert, a spa day, or a play—doing something is a good way to avoid getting into sticky issues
- Keep the time-frame short—a couple of hours is plenty for you to be on your best behavior
- Focus on one good moment and hold that in your thoughts. If you can, thank her for that day, that time she was there for you. Being grateful for the smallest act of kindness is good for everyone.
- Include other people so there’s people to buffer you–kids, cousins, even your mother’s friends. Sandwich generation moms can buffer with family, so use it to your advantage
- Promise yourself a treat for being “nice” and then follow through
- Relax and let snide comments, digs, and hints for you to do more/be more roll off your back. Be proud of yourself for taking the high road.
- If your mother has Alzheimer’s or is in a care facility, you might honor her by remembering a care person in her life–thank that person for doing what you can’t.
- Consider an anti-mother’s day-day. Be with your mom during the week or on that Saturday, but take the pressure off that day. Do something unusual—repaint your bedroom in teal, rent mopeds with a friend, and celebrate the fact that you already honored your mom and now you can honor you.
Accept your relationship as it is today. Hope and believe that the future will be easier, but for now laugh at the quirks and frustrations of life. Some of the most challenging relationships teach us the most. Focus on what you’ve learned about yourself, how resilient you are, and how you choose to love past the imperfections of life.
Carol D. O’Dell Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Huorous and Heartbreaking Memoiravailable on Amazon www.mothering-mother.comwww.kunati.com
