I can’t imagine that if you read any magazine or watch any TV whatsoever that you missed the buzz word(s) of 2007–The Law of Attraction. The book and movie, The Secret and What the Bleep Do We Know are based on this premise. But it’s not new. And as a caregiver, I ask myself if I somehow asked for all this. I heard recently that we choose our parents before we ever get to earth. That sends me into spasms, I gotta tell ya.
My birth mother suffered with schizophrenia and did not (for the most part by far) have a good/happy/purposeful life. My birth father was a navy captain, brick mason, and then succumbed to a life of addiction. Drinking and gambling took everything he had–he lost all six of his children and died still believing that a good stiff drink was the best thing that could ever happen.
Did I attract that?
Then, at the age of four I was adopted. Southern, fundamentalist, older parents.
My mother had “a nervous condition,” which meant she lost her temper–a lot, but they did love me.
What about children in Iraq? In Darfur?Did they choose their parents? Their country?
What about someone who gets Alzheimer’s in their forties or Parkinson’s in their twenties?
Do we really get to choose? Hmm… As a caregiver, I see a pattern in my life long before those cocoon years of pouring my life into another came along.
Caregiving is transformative, and although it can extremely challenging, exhausting, frustrating–it taught me a lot. I survived it.I learned about myself things I don’t know I would have tapped into any other way.
I go to the Bible place–the foundation of my early years.I hear the words ringing in my head,“Whatsoever a man soweth, that he shall reap.”
(My Biblical/childhood voice speaks to me in King James English).
“From the abundance of the heart, the man speaketh.”
“Ask and Ye Shall Receive.”
“As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.”
So I have no problem buying into this basic thought and principle.
Every major religion has some version of this basic cause and effect, this magnetic reasoning is what I like to call it.
The Secret made its way to Oprah and from Oprah’s lips–a mega-marketing star is born.
What is the Law of Attraction?
There is a scientific definition and a metaphysical/spiritual definition.
Scientific first: The law of attraction is also called electromagnetic attraction. In physics, this is what holds the planets in our solar system in place. In quantum physics, scientists have discovered that the tiniest particles of matter seemed to defy all logic and rules that we have come to know in our physical world. We just couldn’t figure out what was going on there. But then we started to notice that these tiny sub-atomic particles behaved differently when they were being observed. The mere act of observing caused these particles to behave differently. That is significant. It shows that what we think of as being ‘set in stone’ can actually be changed according to our own inner vibration. Quantum physicists have also discovered that everything in this universe is energy. At our core, you and I are pure vibrating energy. We just interpret certain frequencies as a table, hand, or computer. But in reality, it is nothing but energy (library.thinkquest.org) I love science, can you tell? Personally, I don’t see science and God at odds. I think they’re the same–we just don’t have it all figured out yet. Personal opinion, all others welcome. As a Man Thinketh by James Allen (1864 – 1912), which was published in 1902. Allen made the connection between ”a man’s heart” and his existence. “The soul attracts that which it secretly harbors, that which it loves, and also that which it fears. It reaches the height of its cherished aspirations. It falls to the level of its unchastened desires — and circumstances are the means by which the soul receives its own.” This book is the basis for the modern version of the Law of Attraction and has been in print for more than 100 years. Some people are skeptical. What about “Bad things happen to good people.” I too, have a hard time telling someone who’s been raped or has cancer that they somehow attracted this. Life is messier and less linear–we don’t call all the shots, we’re not completely in control. Nor do I want to be. I like chaos. I like surprises. I like not knowing. Why? Because I know that there’s something bigger, more amazing out there for me than I can fathom. I know how little my mind and heart is. I do feel I have a hand, a say-so, to some extent–but I don’t call all the shots. The law of attraction makes me think about my incessant negative thoughts and words. I redirect them, realign them, choose and intend a better life for myself and others. In that regard, it’s good for me. In my next post, I’ll be discussing this topic with a new, hot author, Linda Merlino. Her book, Belly of the Whale is due for release in April by Kunati Publishing. “To give up hope is to give up life…” This sentence begins Part One of Belly of the Whale. No one has the knowledge of the future, and on any given day, life as we know it can be altered. For good or for bad, the outcome is always a mystery. This book is about, Hudson Catalina, a thirty-eight year old woman with breast cancer. The time frame is twenty-four hours in her life, the day she gives up hope, the day she is taken hostage in an all-night market by a killer more deadly than her disease, and the day she is forced to face her fears. This book will challenge your mind and your beliefs about the Law of Attraction. It will cause you to examine your own life’s twists and turns. Come back for this great discussion. ~Carol D. O’Dell Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter’s Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir available on Amazon and in most bookstores.
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptI go to the Bible place–the foundation of my early years. I hear the words ringing in my head,. “Whatsoever a man soweth, that he shall reap.” (My Biblical/childhood voice speaks to me in King James English). … [...]
Caregivers attract those in need? Or do those in need attract caregivers? Either way, a good match is a thing to behold, and essential for the well being of both. The important thing is the ability to adapt. For the family caregiver, will your loved one adapt to you, in spite of illness and medications? Or will you adapt to them?
The bigger picture is how both caregiver and loved one adapt to the dynamic of the family. For those in the Sandwich Generation, there are spouses and children to consider. And maybe the loved one’s spouse. Imagine performing the duties of caregiving under the scrutiny of a well parent or in-law? Then you enter a whole new world of negotiation, second guessing, and explanations of what seems pretty obvious to you. You enter a gentle, and not so gentle, competition for the loved one’s attention and well being. You defend your actions with polite discussion, then do it again with your spouse when they ask why you aren’t nicer. This is when caregiving earns a whole new definition.
Regarding the Law of Attraction, the one thing every caregiver attracts is a sore back. We all have that in common. I spent one morning learning Yoga positions for my back. The key, the master said, was the yoga breath. While inhaling, he said to mentally repeat the works “Breathing In.” While exhaling repeat the words, “Breathing Out.” Acknowledge every distracting thought, then let it go while focusing on the breathing words. The guy said this technique creates a relaxation. I was a skeptic, for about five minutes, then I got it. Each breath became an expression of hope, of faith. Later, I explained this to my father-in-law. He was also a skeptic, so I challenged him to a breath holding contest. After we finished I said, “Thank God that’s over.” And we smiled at each other.
Did I attract caregiving when it became my responsibility to care for my mother and aunt, both of whom had Alzheimer’s. I somehow became responsible, too, along with a family friend, for my uncle who never married.
“What would have happened if I said I couldn’t care for Mother?” I once asked a friend.
“Everyone knew you’d do it,” she said. So I guess it was a non-issue as the “everyones” went on with their own life.
However, there are rewards, as Carol relates above about caring for her mother. The spiritual rewards, the personal growth, the understanding of Alzheimer’s and now the reaching out to encourage others through writing and speaking would never have occurred.
So…the question: Did I attract caregiving? I don’t know, but somehow it found me and I couldn’t refuse.
Thank you both for such thoughtful comments. Your loved ones are blessed to have you in their life. Hell, I’m attracted to you:)
One thing I do know is that if you can caregive–and survive–you can do anything!
In the words of poet Mary Oliver,
“Tell me, what will you do with your one wild and precious life?”
~Carol O’Dell
This is a wonderful piece, Carol.
When my two decades of elder caregiving ended with the death of my mother, I was on the verge of beginning a newspaper column on the subject of elder care.
I froze before the first one ran – do I really want to continue on with this? But something in me said, “You’ve only just begun. This is what it was all about.” And I’ve never looked back (well, not very often). I’ve just had to trust, through the ups and many downs, that sharing what I’ve learned through caregiving is what I’m supposed to do.
Others may find that their caregiving experience is less obvious, but when they look hard, they see it in their art, or their child care center – it’s about following our muse and trusting that we will get it right. All the best on your wonderful journey, Carol
Carol Bradley Bursack, Minding Our Elders