Day 4 took us to Alzheimer’s Notes and host Mary Emma. I found that her questions delved straight into the heart of Alzheimer’s and what both the caregiver and care-receiver (I prefer saying loved one to receiver since it can distinguish family and friend care from professional care).
As I mentioned on her blog, I’m glad that she addressed the fact that my mother passed away, and what it’s like for a caregiver to transition and grieve and move on with their lives. Many caregivers are uncomfortable discussing that Alzheimer’s, aging, and life in general ends of death. That’s how very strong our fears are–avoid, avoid, avoid.
That’s why hospice is so helpful. They’re different than the doctors, nurses, and medical staff in the hospital. They “get” that people die–have to die, need to die, it’s okay to die. Sounds cold, and I’m not trying to be, but in the situation of both my mom and dad, I can truly say that it was “time” for them to go.
My adopted daddy was the “first” love of my life–a dear, sweet man who was wise and witty and healed my heart from all it had endured before my adoption. He taught me that men could be honorable, protective, and good to the bone. And yet, I watched him suffer horrifically with heart disease. I wanted him to go so he wouldn’t suffer any more.
My adoptive mother was 92 when she passed away. Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, and a heart disease had all taken its toll. Daddy was gone, and most of all the people she loved–and knew. It was time. I couldn’t reverse what disease had incurred.
I wrote about my mother’s passing for that very reason. I was scared too. I couldn’t find anyone to tell me what it would be like to sit quietly and allow my mother to stop breathing. To be alone–with her–at peace. I wrote this so others could read this when they’re ready, a little at a time, and contemplate all has happened and will happen.
Thank you, Mary Emma, for including that question in your interview.
~Carol
Author of Mothering Mother
Kunati Publishing
Available on Amazon and in most bookstores.
