Caregivers: It’s Okay…

I’m on the road right now, and in less than one week, I’ve spoken to four caregiving/Alzheimer’s groups. 

I still see their faces.

They’re one tired looking bunch: ( I mean that facetiously, but the stress is noticeable). I see myself in them. I see the “no one can really help” looks. I see the “I’m too tired to care” looks, and I see the desperate, “I can’t take much more” looks. I gather these faces–these hearts–and they remind me why I’m doing what I’m doing.

Even though I capture and express the humor gleaned from my caregiving experience in MOTHERING MOTHER, I’m not trying to trite or flippant. I know how very, very hard and dark this can get. I use humor to keep from falling into the pit.

One thing I’ve found soothing, that caregivers seem to be able to listen to, that offers a sliver of hope is a talk I’ve titled, “It’s Okay…” (more about that in a minute)

One of the most important roles hospice plays is the role of authority when it comes to end of life issues. They’re the ones that tell your loved one it’s time to let go, it’s okay to let go.  Apparently, and ironically we need this. My mother needed it, and I needed to hear it. Even at 92 years old with Parkinson’s, end stage Alzheimer’s, and her weak, tired heart giving out, she (and I) needed permission–that it’s okay to let go. 

But we don’t have to wait for that final permission slip to begin to give ourselves permission to be human.

Here’s a few “It’s okay’s” we’ll talk about in the next few blogs.

It’s okay to not get up/not answer your loved ones the first or even second time–when you know they’re not in danger.

It’s okay to cry–or not cry.

It’s okay to be angry, say your angry, write it, record it, scream it.

Enough for now.

Sandwich generation-ers are used to giving their kids permission–to stay up late, to go outside, to have a cookie. It’s time they gave themselves permission.

~Carol D. O’Dell

author of MOTHERING MOTHER

Kunati Publishing

Available at Amazon and in most bookstores.